Week 46: Kinmen Forever (& Reflective Post)

And here, dear reader, is where I leave you. For now. This week was one of the hardest, if not the hardest, of the entire grant period. It's been a week of high highs, low lows, and so, so, so, so much crying (and fun, new mental health challenges). I'm missing people and places that're right in front of me, but I'm also trying my best to enjoy the precious few days we have left.

Monday was one of the tougher days. It was also the last day of one of our cohort members before she headed back to the US early. In the morning, I found out my partner had to go to the hospital for his illness, which was terrifying, but he was finally properly diagnosed and given antibiotics, which was good. Classes went well, and I got to play a bunch of review games that the kids liked with them. Otherwise, though, I was incredibly stressed. I was running errands, prepping gifts, signing letters, etc., all day.

After school, I managed to relax a bit by playing basketball with some of my kids, then I went to run more errands with another Little K ETA. That night, we had our farewell dinner for the ETA who was leaving soon, but I had to spend part of the meal running food for my partner. I got overwhelmed, cried, etc., but made it to KTV later.

I might've been a bit of a wreck, but it was nice to go to KTV one last time and wish one of our own a safe trip back to the states. It didn't feel real saying goodbye to her—it just felt like we'd wake up tomorrow and she'd still be here, same as always. But it wasn't. And it was a little jarring to think that that'd be us soon.

Tuesday was the first day of finals for the kids. Outside of proctoring exams and playing review games, I hung out with my kids and prepped more gifts for them. I chatted with a couple of my fourth graders in the library, and one of them showed me a little booklet she made into a dollhouse for her Hello Kitty stickers. It was cute! Today was also the day I said goodbye to my second graders, who seemed distraught that I was leaving, but were eager to ask for hugs and play with the prizes I got them.

I headed to the Kinmen immigration office after school to pick up my new ARC, and I ended up heading to Shuitou Pier. It was satisfying to feel like things had come full circle. In the beginning of the year, us Little K ETAs had trudged down to the pier to catch the ferry to school every day, and now, I could visit it one last time before the grant period ended.

Once I'd picked up my new ARC, I decided to check out the Maoshan Pagoda. I expected to see some huge bugs and/or flee in terror from giant spiders, but fortunately, I didn't see any. The view from the peak was lovely! I could see Little K, the otter-decorated smokestacks by Shuitou Pier, Jincheng, Taiwu Mountain, Xiamen, and more. It made me love Kinmen just a bit more seeing the whole county spread before me like that.

I then went home and tried to run dinner for my partner and I, but it took over an hour, I had a ton of work and gifts to get done, and I ended up being overwhelmed again.  I'll admit it: I was not doing well. At all. Fortunately, the rest of Hong House kindly helped take care of my partner, and he went back to the hospital with them that evening.

Wednesday was also stressful, of course, but the entire week was. I think a lot of my stressors were self-imposed, but they certainly weren't any less real given how fast the end of the grant period was coming up. I woke up a little early, then picked up another Little K ETA so we could drive to school together. It was nostalgic being on the back of her (my) scooter for one last morning commute. In the beginning of the year, she drove me to the port almost every day until I got my scooter license.

After she'd driven to school and I'd driven back to mine, I hit the ground running on gift prep. More letters to sign! More prizes to prep! If I wasn't going a little nuts from everything I needed to get done already, I definitely was after today.

I gave first grade and both of the kindergarten classes their gifts, and it was sweet to see how excited they were for them. They seemed sad to see me go, and all of the kindergarteners swarmed me with hugs as soon as they were allowed. I also got a note and a stuffed shark keychain from one of my second graders, who wrote that he'll be lonely next year and that he wants to know if I'll visit if I have time (of course I will!).

That afternoon, I took a much-needed nap, then went to Mashan Observation Point with a couple other ETAs to stare out at China and enjoy the afternoon. We were nearly locked in a radio exhibit bunker, but besides that, it was a good time. The four of us headed to a nearby beach after that, and we saw some tiny crabs (which one of the other ETAs made a little song about). I spent the rest of the day running errands, then tried to make cookies for my LETs. They sucked (I had to make too many ingredient substitutions).

The next day was possibly one of the most stressful days, but I managed to get what I wanted done. The morning might've been the toughest part of the whole week, honestly. I was so nauseous, I couldn't eat, then I couldn't breathe, so I put my head down for a bit. I managed to give 301 and 401 their gifts, though. I also went to the honey shop during lunch to give the owner her postcard from the cohort, which was nice, but then I ended up panicking again and going back to school to put my head down. Oh dear.

The afternoon was much, much better. Since finals were over, a couple of classes had little field trips to different places on Little K, and I ended up accompanying my 302 and 401 classes to Donglin Seashore Park. I think the fresh air and fun were much needed; I had a good time collecting rocks and splashing in the water with the kids and playing on the playground with the kids. In addition to my 302 and 401 classes, I also saw a handful of the recently-graduated sixth graders, one of whom brought their dog. It was a wonderful time, and I think it was the kind of joyful memory-making I needed.

After school, I finished printing the rest of my letters for the next day, cleaned up my desk, then spent forty-five minutes or so playing basketball with a bunch of my students. I did pretty poorly, but it was fun to see how much the kids loved basketball (as well as how good they were).

I went to Mike's Quiches with some other ETAs for dinner, then I went back to the apartment with another ETA to finish gifts for the next day. Another couple ETAs joined me and we watched High School Musical 2 (and part of HSM 3) while we worked. Although I didn't get to see the new Spiderverse movie with some other ETAs, I did get to do some work and vibe in Hong House a bit, which I think I certainly needed.

Friday was the last day of school and the last day of the grant period. I gave the office staff their gift, then handed out prizes and letters to 302 and 501. I was also given a card in all English (!) by 501 as well as some smaller cards in Chinese by my second graders, which were sweet! After a year of chatting, dancing, giving finger hearts, and playing English games with my kids, I'm going to miss them more than I can possibly imagine. It still hasn't hit me how much I'll miss them next year.

I also handed out gifts to my LETs and the other teachers in my office upstairs. I'm incredibly thankful for all of their support and kindness throughout the year, and I'm glad that I had the chance to work with them. I'm also so, so grateful to the upstairs office teachers for being friendly and welcoming, and I think that having the opportunity to share an office with them was the greatest gift I could've asked for.

After they had a final sendoff assembly, the kids headed out to enjoy their summer vacation, and I cried again (oops). I was cheered up by one of the homeroom teachers, though, and I got to spend some time chatting with her and some other office teachers. It was nice to spend some time hanging out with them—it made the enormity of the last day feel more mundane.

Since Fridays are my EV days, I headed to Jinhu Elementary after bidding goodbye to Jhuo Huan, Little K, and the bridge. I met up with our co-teachers and other ETAs as well as a local friend, then hung out in Jinhu afterwards. Among other things, I saw the long-awaited McDonald's at Everrich Mall (Kinmen's first and only one!) and a personalized bottle of Kaoliang that my partner's school gave him. The bottle was engraved with a picture of Juguang Tower, his school name, the date, the principal's name, his name, and a photo of him. Pretty neat.

That evening, we had our final cohort dinner at our favorite Thai restaurant. Almost everyone came, including some local friends, and it was fun to spend one last evening together. Many of us had gifts for each other, mainly postcards or other little trinkets, and there were also four birthday cards going around, which each of us signed under the table. Since my birthday comes up after the grant period, one of them was mine. I loved reading the notes from everyone! They were very kind, and they made me miss everyone just a little bit more. We spent hours at dinner enjoying our time together, but eventually, we had to leave.

Then, we went to Vent Bar to see more local friends, then I had a sleepover in Jinning with some others. It was my first (and last) time sleeping over in Jinning, but I'm glad I could spent the final hours of the grant period surrounded by friends.

Saturday was July 1st, which meant the grant period was officially over. I slept poorly, but I was glad that in the morning, one of the other ETAs made us M&M pancakes. The rest of the day was spent packing, unfortunately. All of the time and energy I spent on gifts and activities for everyone meant that I had to cram all packing into a day or so. Since my partner was leaving that evening (and had been sick for weeks), I also had to cram the rest of my time with him into that day.

After I saw him off at the airport, I went to Houpu Plaza to meet up with the rest of the cohort for one last evening together. There was a musical about the Kinmen rat infestation (long story) that we watched, then we spent the rest of the evening sitting and chatting. We took one last group photo together, then hugged goodbye for what would likely be the last time for many of us.

The rest of the evening and part of the next morning was a blur of sleep deprivation, late night chats, and packing. I also woke up early the next day to say goodbye to the flurry of ETAs that were leaving. Then, the rest of the day was spent tying up loose ends: packing, getting my apartment checked, buying souvenirs, etc. Once most of my work had gotten done, I enjoyed one last Kinmen sunset from the roof.

At the very least, I got to spend dinner with another Kinmen ETA. We ate takeout from Kim's Noodles together and rewatched the season finale of Avatar: The Last Airbender. The animation was wonderful, as always, and the company made me feel much better. It felt less like the world was ending abruptly and more like the world was reaching a gentle, well-deserved pause.

The next day, I left Kinmen. I ran errands in the morning, then at noon, I headed to the Kinmen Airport for the last time. It was a beautiful day to leave; I could see all the houses and fields organized like patchwork across the island, the maze of Jincheng, the narrow strip of the Kinmen Bridge, and the beautiful, green contours of Little K. I'll miss it all, ravenously, endlessly.

It's been a wonderful year, even if the last week was a bit chaotic. It doesn't feel like it's been eleven months away from home, but somehow, it has been. Admittedly, it kinda felt like everything fell apart at the end, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I think I'll miss my school, my cohort, and Kinmen more than I can anticipate right now, and I already miss them dearly. But here's to the future, and here's to an amazing year. Kinmen forever.

Writer's Note: This post was originally written on July 29th, 2023.

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Reflective Post (August 12th, 2023):

It's been a couple weeks since I've written this, and roughly a month and a half since the grant period ended. Even though I've since transitioned into a new cohort and a new site as an ETF (English Teaching Fellow), the last grant period feels like it was just yesterday.

I feel like I've written the same words in all of my social media posts and posted the same photos over and over again, but I still can't believe how much I love and miss everyone and everything. I think I got unusually lucky with my placement. It feels like we had a rare cohort and rare circumstances: eighteen wonderful, kind people, and quarantine, in-person teaching, the new Kinmen bridge, the reopening of ferries between Kinmen and Xiamen, and more. Sure, there was nausea, mold, a lack of central heating, etc., but I had a wonderful time, and I loved my year in Kinmen (even if I had nightmares about being placed there before I was given my county placement).

I've grown much more and in much different ways than I thought I would at the beginning of the year. Honestly, I'm not sure what I was expecting at the beginning of the year anyway, but here I am, a year older, and a year (debatably) wiser. After spending a year abroad, I feel much more sure of myself as a person: much bolder, kinder, and braver. Even though the panic of trying to find a job and becoming a "real adult" after the grant period end are very real, I'm still looking forward to seeing what this next year brings. This is the end of it all, and the beginning of it all. Thank you for everything, Kinmen.